Sian Westwood, Operations Manager at NYAS, shares her personal reflection on becoming a parent and why trusted relationships matter long after a young person turns 18.
Over the last eighteen months, I have become a parent. Like many new parents, I've found myself thinking more about the future than I ever did before. Not just about childhood, but about adulthood too. I think about the opportunities I hope will be available, the challenges that will inevitably arise, and the support that will still be needed long after the milestones that society often focuses on have passed.
One reflection I keep returning to is around independence. We often speak about independence as though it is the end goal of parenting, something that is achieved once a young person reaches a particular age or stage in life. Yet the more I think about it, the more I question whether we sometimes misunderstand what independence really means.
My daughter is not going to become independent because I disappear from her life at eighteen. If anything, I hope she develops confidence and resilience because she knows support remains available when she needs it. The security of knowing somebody will still answer the phone, offer reassurance, provide practical help or simply listen during difficult moments is not something that prevents independence. In many ways, it is what makes independence possible.
That reflection has influenced how I think about the experiences of care-experienced young people as they move into adulthood.
For several years, the Care Cliff report and wider discussion around the transition from care have highlighted a concern that many professionals and care-experienced young people have raised repeatedly: that support and trusted relationships can reduce significantly at precisely the point when young people are navigating some of the most complex transitions of their lives. While many young adults continue to rely on family networks well into their twenties, care-experienced young people are often expected to manage housing, finances, education, employment and wider adult responsibilities at a much earlier stage and without the same support structures that many of their peers take for granted.
More recently, the Government-commissioned review "You really are on your own": A study of the early deaths of young people who were in care examined the deaths of care-experienced young adults aged 18 to 24 and identified recurring themes around isolation, being alone, readiness for adulthood and a significant drop in support following the transition from care.
Reading both reports, I was struck by a common thread. Although they approach the issue from different perspectives, they both point towards the importance of relationships and the risks that emerge when young people experience adulthood without the consistent support networks that many others rely upon. The title of the Government review itself, "You really are on your own", is difficult to read without reflecting on what it says about some young people's experiences of leaving care.
In children's services, it is easy to focus on pathways, procedures, eligibility criteria and performance measures. Those things matter, and they have an important place. However, when I reflect on the young people I have worked alongside throughout my career, the conversations they remember rarely centre on processes. More often, they remember people. They remember the adults who listened, who followed through on commitments and who remained alongside them during difficult periods in their lives.
At the heart of this discussion are the rights of children and young people. Care-experienced young people have a right to be listened to, to have their welfare promoted and protected, and to have decisions made in their best interests. Corporate parenting principles go further, requiring us to promote wellbeing, encourage high aspirations and support young people as they move towards adulthood. When viewed alongside the themes emerging from both the Care Cliff evidence and "You really are on your own", I find myself questioning whether we sometimes place greater emphasis on young people becoming independent than we do on ensuring they remain connected.
What strikes me is that none of these rights suddenly become less important when a young person reaches eighteen. A person's need to feel safe, valued and connected does not disappear because they have reached a legal milestone. Nor does their need for encouragement, guidance or trusted relationships. Yet much of the language used around leaving care can inadvertently place emphasis on a young person's ability to cope alone rather than considering the conditions that enable people to thrive.
This is where I think there is an important distinction between independence and isolation.
Supporting a young person to become independent should never mean removing support altogether. Most adults continue to rely on networks of family, friends, colleagues and communities throughout their lives. When people experience setbacks, uncertainty or significant life changes, those relationships often become even more important. It seems reasonable to ask whether our expectations of care-experienced young people sometimes differ from the expectations we hold for other young adults.
Throughout my career in advocacy and volunteer-based services, I have seen the difference that one trusted adult can make. Not because they have all the answers, but because they show up consistently, listen and remain alongside a young person when things become difficult. While practical support undoubtedly matters, lasting change is often built through trust, connection and a genuine sense of belonging. Young people are more likely to engage with opportunities, build confidence and navigate challenges when they know there are people around them who care about their wellbeing and remain invested in their future.
For me, this is one of the reasons relationship-based approaches such as NYAS's Side-by-Side programme are so important. Their value extends beyond the activities they provide or the practical support they offer. At their best, they create opportunities for young people to form meaningful connections, develop confidence and strengthen their sense of belonging within their communities. These experiences cannot replace family relationships, nor should they seek to. However, they can help ensure that young people have access to the encouragement, consistency and positive relationships that are often fundamental to positive outcomes.
As discussions continue about how we improve experiences and outcomes for care-experienced young people, I think it is worth reflecting on what good parenting really means. Good parenting is rarely defined by preparing a child to cope entirely alone. More often, it is characterised by providing a secure foundation from which they can grow, take risks, make mistakes and develop confidence in their own abilities. The support may change over time, but the relationship remains.
Viewed through that lens, the question for corporate parents is perhaps not whether young people are ready to be independent, but whether we are providing the same ambition, encouragement, opportunities and relationships that we would want for any young person entering adulthood.
Both the Care Cliff evidence and the Government's review remind us that there is still work to do in that regard. They challenge us to think beyond age-based transitions and focus instead on what young people need to thrive.
Relationship-based services such as Side-by-Side are one part of that response, recognising that while adulthood brings new responsibilities, a sense of belonging, connection and having someone in your corner remains just as important as ever.
Ultimately, both the Care Cliff evidence and the findings of "You really are on your own" challenge us to think differently about what successful transitions into adulthood look like. Perhaps independence should not be measured by how quickly support reduces, but by whether young people have the confidence, relationships and sense of belonging needed to move forward. Services such as Side-by-Side are one example of how we can help create those conditions.
The more I reflect on this as both a parent and a practitioner, the more I return to the same conclusion: independence is not the absence of support. It is having the confidence to take the next step because you know somebody is still there when you need them.
